By my own strength ... not.

I am approaching a fascinating and exciting crossroads in my life. I am about to launch my first book via a legitimate publisher. This is a significant moment in any author's life, and like any author I am apprehensive about the public response to my work.

But there is more. I believe that this is the start of a new career for me, with four other novels in my head waiting to be written. Therefore, there is an inherent expectation that this first novel will be successful so that I can set about the challenge of writing the other books without distraction.

So there is the hope that the book merits the interest of a few hundred thousand, or a few million readers, and sets me on my way. There is a marketing campaign planned for January and February, and with the help of my daughter we have set up social media to start generating interest in the impending release of the book in February.

Like any other person, I don't like disappointment, so I have tried to steel myself with the appropriate level of expectation. I have done some research on the success of self published authors. In general, sales of 2-3 thousand copies is considered to be a success for a self-published author's book. There are some authors who have been more successful than this, and one means of doing this is via social media, where the volume of followers leads to more sales. In general, it takes a year to create this critical mass.

While still optimistic, I am beginning to wonder if my ambitions are completely unrealistic with the evidence that is before me. For some reason, I have this feeling deep within me that this book is going to be successful enough to make it feasible for me to become a full time author, but sales of three thousand books will not make this possible. 

So where does this optimism come from? To be honest, I don't know, because it does not really make sense. Everything is suggesting that my hopes are really a pipe dream. There are very few authors who earn enough from writing for it to be a their only form of income. Throughout writing school, and in all the writing magazines that I have read, there is a consistent message that is repeated - there is a one in a million chance that you will be as successful as authors like Jeffery Archer or James Patterson (both with over 250 million book copies sold worldwide). My logical mind is telling me that I should appropriately set my expectations and stop dreaming of greater success, but there is something within me that keeps on ignoring the logic and the facts, and keeps encouraging me to expect more.

Fantasy? Maybe, although I'd like to think it is The Lord speaking to me through his Holy Spirit. Reminds me of the passage that tell us that the things of the Spirit are foolishness to the carnal man. That's my paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 2:14 - The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit

Yesterday I was reflecting on the story of Gideon in Judges 6-8, and this led me to sit down and write this piece.

In that story, Gideon is led by God to pull together an army of men to fight against the Midianites who are brutally oppressing the Israelites. He musters 32,000 men to fight against what we later learn is 135,000 Midianites. These numbers are overwhelmingly stacked against the Israelites, but these brave men set out in battle to rescue their people from a terrible existence. But The Lord stops Gideon and says, 

'You have too many men, because when you win the battle, your men will believe that they won it through their own strength, and will not believe that I delivered the victory to you.'

So through a series of tests, God told Gideon to reduce the number of men, leaving him with the grand total of 300. In case you have forgotten, Gideon is going to fight against 135,000!

However, to reassure Gideon before leaving out on what could only be rationally considered a suicide mission, God told Gideon to go down to the camp of the enemy and listen to what they were saying, because this would give him confidence. When he went down, he overheard two men talking about a dream and its interpretation - the god of the Israelites had won the battle over the Midianites!

With this reassurance Gideon and his 300 men surged forward and attacked and defeated the 135,000 Midianites.

I found it interesting that I would recall this story at this time, and I have spent some time thinking about what this means for me. The obstacles facing me are in no way similar in magnitude to the 135,000 Midianites, but there are some parallels that I could draw on, and therefore learn from. 

Everything is telling me that the battle is lost. There is no hope of victory. Reality says that there is a one-in-a-million chance of success. But the Holy Spirit seems to be telling me that everything is stacked against me to make sure that I know that the success of the book will not be by my strength, but through God's strength. It will be His victory. Praise be to God.

On January 7, my marketing company will be sending out the press release of my book to selected press outlets in the UK an US. Is this my sojourn to the edge of the enemy camp to listen to what they are saying about the impeding battle? Will this initial feedback from the press affirm my belief and give me the impetus to move forward, or jolt me? I eagerly look forward to what January, and the rest of 2013 has to offer.